Friday, February 21, 2014

"I love them, but I don't like them."

A common evangelical saying when someone isn't particularly fond of someone else is, "I love them; I just don't like them." Basically, they're expressing their distaste for the person while covering their ass and ensuring that no one can call them out on breaking the command of loving your neighbor. The phrase ensures that they are allowed to avoid confronting issues between the two parties because they love them.

Yeah, but I call bullshit.

That phrase doesn't make any sense. How can you love someone but not like them? Loving is much stronger than just liking someone. If you don't even like someone, there is no chance that you can care more deeply for them to call it "love."

The command to love your neighbor as yourself was never an easy command. Saying "I love them, but I don't like them," makes it seem like the command is simpler than it really is. When Jesus told us to love our neighbors, he meant bearing with each other, tolerating each other, apologizing to each other, forgiving each other. That's not easy work. Obviously, we will all fail at that from time to time. But when we do, let's not pretend that we are perfect by saying, "I love them; I just don't like them."

The phrase is often given as a reason why someone doesn't associate with someone else in the church. Except there's probably more going on there--they are likely avoiding issues that need to be discussed. Avoiding confrontation. That doesn't sound very loving to me.

It's a part of being human that we are inevitably not going to get along from time to time. We need to be more okay with people admitting that they are struggling with the sin of not loving others.

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