Christians are so funny: The Series; Part I - Bowing Heads

One of the funniest sights for me to see happens in large Christian gatherings. It's when the guy at the front--be it a pastor, another speaker, or the worship leader--says the two words, "let's pray." Whether or not he also includes "let's bow our heads" in that commandment, you will always see a great majority of the crowd lean forward. It looks like everyone is staring at their shoes.

It's especially funny in a place like Wheeler Auditorium on UC Berkeley's campus. Every single seat in that room creaks insanely loudly. So not only does it look like everyone begins to study the spilled drank on the floor, but there is this enormous creak. It really is the funniest thing.

Why do we do that? Why is our immediate reflex to prayer that our heads drop? I know I used to do it because I was told for years in Sunday School to bow my head when prayer happened. Even though Sunday School teachers eventually stopped telling me that, it was too late. I had already been conditioned to looking down whenever prayer happened.

So maybe Christians do that because of the Sunday School conditioning. Or maybe those who didn't grow up in Sunday School do it because of peer pressure--all their Sunday-School-based friends were doing it.

I don't know. But in my opinion, it's hilarious to watch.

Risky. And somewhat emotion-infused.

Here is yet another reason for me to continue to wish for The Gospel Coalition to be shut down:

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/thabitianyabwile/2013/08/19/the-importance-of-your-gag-reflex-when-discussing-homosexuality-and-gay-marriage/

I would have my own commentary on the logical fallacies and absolute absurdity of this article, but I have a feeling I would just be echoing a lot of what these two articles say:

http://www.zhoag.com/2013/08/22/gagreflex/

http://theamericanjesus.net/?p=10626

It's comforting to know that there are other people out there who think like I do.

Yes, I realize that this brands me as a crazy liberal.

Listening

You don't have to be a sage advice-giver in order to support someone in need. More often than not, listening is the only thing that a person wants. And in those instances, giving advice can even come across as rude and selfish, even though you might have good intentions.

I can speak from personal experience--there have been several times in my life where I have been in the midst of crises, and I go to a person in hopes that they will hear me out and support me. But the listener cuts me off before I am finished and tells me what I should do or why my thinking is flawed.

(Preface: I am going to be using the pronoun "he" where I really should be using "he or she," because it refers to an unspecified person. "He" is just so much shorter and easier.)

The listener might think that that is being helpful, but it isn't. Often, the person knows what he needs to do, and he knows that he's not thinking clearly. He just wants you to meet him where he is and to support him. Let him tell you why he is hurting, and please do your best to try to understand where he is coming from. That will probably involve you asking probing questions, rather than thinking you know his situation and advising him on what to do next. Doing that is likely a dirty and messy process, but who said real relationship was easy?

If he wanted advice, he would ask for it. Or, you can ask him if that is what he is looking for. But don't just give it to him unsolicited. When he asked you to talk, he didn't ask you to "correct" his thinking. (By the way, what gives you the authority to say that you know better? You haven't experienced what he has. That's why it is so important to try to understand where he's coming from.)

As the protagonist in Fight Club says, "When people think you're dying, man, they really really listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to speak." Is that what it takes for us to truly listen to people? That they have to be dying before we stop looking for opportunities to interject and actually hear them?

In summary, when you're listening to someone, "Shut up and listen." Like Lilly Moscovitz's cable show.

Mommy, look, somebody left this toy tractor here!

Put that down, Billy; that has germs on it!

I've realized that I'm not as assertive as I used to be.

"Used to be" is a relative phrase, though. If "used to be" is a comparison to any time more than 8 months ago, then I don't think that first sentence applies. But if I compare myself to where I was a couple months ago, then I feel that that shows a step backward in assertiveness.

I realized this when I recently found myself in a situation where I was extremely uncomfortable. Rather than speaking up and leaving as soon as things felt off, I stuck around and didn't say anything. I eventually left after quite a while, but I really should have left much sooner.

So I began to ask myself, why am I not as assertive anymore?

Perhaps my job has contributed to it. Maybe it's me not wanting to bother my supervisor when I can tell she's overloaded, and so I just don't speak up. Maybe it's me being prideful and not asking for help when I need it. Maybe it's me just telling myself that I don't really know what I'm doing, and just assuming that everyone else knows better.

Perhaps recent episodes at CalPerfs has contributed to it. Maybe that one time when that couple yelled at me and refused to do what I asked. Maybe that time when I was managing, even though I was out of practice, so I didn't feel like I completely knew what I was doing.

Perhaps this blog has contributed to it. I know some people are reading it, and I have actually decided not to write posts because I don't want people to know that about me. That goes against the original purpose of this blog--the purpose was for my personal growth. It shouldn't matter who else, if anyone else, is reading it or not. And it certainly shouldn't dictate what I choose to write about.

Or maybe I'm just generally out of practice being assertive. Maybe I've assumed that I am now an assertive person, so I've stopped working at it.

Then again, they say that progress is two steps forward and one backward. Maybe my first two steps happened spring semester, and this summer is my step backward.

So here's my to do list:
Have more opinions/preferences about things.
Don't always defer to the other person. ("I don't know, what do you wanna do?")
Remind myself that you have a right to express what you're feeling and thinking.

You don't have to please other people.