Walking on Eggshells

The world needs progressive people. But often, progressive people get offended far too easily.

Consider an interaction with a feminist. Or consider an interaction with someone who is homosexual. Or consider an interaction with a transgender person. I have witnessed that if you wish to engage in conversation with these people, you need to choose your words carefully. You might write "woman" in an online post, and someone will find that offensive because they identify as a "womxn." You might call someone "gay," and they get offended because they identify as "queer," or "same-gender loving." You might mistakenly use "he" instead of "she," "it," "they," or "zhe." (And of course, it is impossible to know beforehand that "woman," "gay," or "he" would be incorrect.)

Much of the subsequent conversation is diverted from the topic in question, whatever it may be, and instead becomes an angry lecture about how a word is offensive, and how the other person needs to "check their privilege." There is zero tolerance for using a word by mistake or out of ignorance. Essentially, progressives make anyone who talks to them walk on eggshells.

One of my coworkers has a disability where she was born without a left hand. Despite this, she powerlifts competitively, and she in fact recently broke the state record in female squats for her age group and weight class. She frequently posts about her experiences on this road to success, including all the discrimination and prejudices that she has faced at the gym because of her visible disability. While these posts are eye-opening, I never know how to appropriately follow up with her if I have questions. I want to know more about her and her experiences with her disability; however, I am discouraged from even starting that conversation because of posts such as this:

"I do one-handed deadlifts and I plan to compete with one-handed deadlifts and I am among many others who are non-conforming in this able-bodied patriarchal society, so I hate that I have to explain my technique and approach to folks who are innocently curious but it gets tiring ya'll. And I'm patient. But please educate yourselves so I don't have to."

Messages such as this discourage me from asking her anything personal related to her powerlifting or to her disability.

Important conversations get lost in the constant policing of language. Important conversations do not happen out of fear of language policing. And as a result, nobody learns anything. Nobody learns how to properly use the vocabulary or how to listen to one another.

Yes, it is important to inform others on the appropriate, respectful vocabulary. But this education needs to be done with patience and grace. It is not fair to hold others to expectations that they didn't know were in place.

So let people say the wrong words. Let them break those eggshells. Then afterward, if absolutely necessary, graciously explain to them why one finds a particular word offensive, and what better words should be used instead in the future.