Here is a list of do's and do-not's if you are interacting with a person who is having a suicidal moment. Most of this is based off of my experiences when I was suicidal--either what someone did that worked for me, or what I would have liked someone to do. This list is by no means comprehensive, nor is it 100% relevant to every case. Each case must be handled with the utmost tact, and careful discernment must be used to decide whether these points apply to the situation or not.
DO's
1. Shut up and listen.
This person has come to you because they trust you, and/or because they are looking for a way out. Give them a safe space to tell you what is going on, uninhibited. Let them say all the curse words they need to; do not interrupt. Give them your full, undivided attention; their life may depend on it. There are a few times in life when it is totally acceptable for a person to be 100% selfish--this is one of them.
2. Ask how they want you to help.
The person might want you to verbally respond to what they're saying; the person might want you to not say anything. You will never know why the person came to you unless you ask what they are looking for from you. Ask specifically what they want and do everything you can to meet them there (unless they ask for you to give them a knife, or to leave them alone).
3. Ask questions.
Get inside their head. Try to obtain their perspective and to understand why they are feeling this way. Asking questions shows that you care about the person. Getting the person to talk also allows them to verbally express their thoughts, which as I have found, sometimes gives them a more objective perspective hearing their thoughts out loud. If at any point, the person says they do not want to answer any more questions, or if they clearly become agitated, stop.
4. Remind them that they are loved.
Ask the person to list names of people who would miss them if they were gone. If they sincerely feel that everyone else would be better off if they were dead, tell them how much you would miss them if they ended their life. If you are physically with the person (i.e. not chatting over the internet), provide physical affection (a hug, a back scratch, sitting next to them, etc.). One time my roommate let me sleep in his bed with him when I was in a crisis, which helped immensely.
5. Hide all instruments that a person could use.
I was planning to OD on my anxiety medication one time; my roommate took it away from me and put it in the care of another person. I once asked my friend to hide the set of knives in the kitchen. Find out if the person has a specific plan to end their life, and take the tools away. Hide the (potential) weapons, take away the pills, close the window, take the car keys.
6. Get help.
Perhaps you need to get in touch with someone who is closer with this person. If the situation warrants it, drive this person to a hospital. Or, in extreme cases, dial 911.
7. Follow up.
Once the peak crisis has passed, follow up with the person. See how they are doing. If they are not already doing so, work with them to find a therapist--do not let the incident just slide.
DO NOT's
1. Offer unwarranted advice, experiences, or rationalizations.
The person has probably come to you because they want to be heard, not to be counseled. More often than not, the person knows deep down that their thinking is flawed, so advice is unnecessary. While your own experiences with crisis moments like this may seem relevant, the person has too much going on with their own crisis to have the emotional energy to care about your situations--and it's nothing against you. Rationalizations are the least helpful of these three; rationalizing the events that contributed to the person's crisis has the effect of saying, "You are wrong for feeling this way," and drives their self-esteem lower. As mentioned earlier, the suicidal person often knows their irrationality deep down; they don't need to be reminded of that.
Of course, you can offer these things if the person consents to it. But you must ask first (and respect them if they say "No"), or they must ask for it. Do not offer it unwarranted.
2. Change the subject.
Ignoring the problem will not make it go away. Yes, it is uncomfortable, but changing the subject communicates that the person's issue is not important.
3. Leave the person alone.
This is a matter of life and death for the person. If they have led you into this place where they are vulnerable, you have an obligation to care for this person and see them through until the crisis has passed. Handing the person off to someone else better suited to the situation (i.e. someone that they are closer with) is acceptable. If the crisis is happening late at night, stay up with the person until they go to sleep. Leaving the person hanging communicates that you do not care enough for them, which gives them more reason to go through with suicide.
4. Belittle, minimize, or shame.
All of these communicate that the person is wrong for feeling this way, which is victim blaming, which worsens the emotional state of the person. Acknowledge what the person is feeling and how they are hurting, even if you think they are wrong. Yes, they may not have the complete story or the "right" perspective, but completing the story or offering the "right" perspective will not make their current thoughts and feelings suddenly disappear. Besides, there is more going on with the person than you can fully know.
5. Try to solve the problem.
Unless you are a clinical psychologist, there is not much that you can do to fix what is going on. You are not qualified to do so, and often, the situations causing the crisis are outside of both of your controls. All you can do is meet the person where they are and support them there.
6. Quote Scripture.
This applies to Christians. Many Christians try to help other Christians by quoting a "relevant" verse and then leaving it at that. Quoting a verse at a suicidal person is effectively the same as offering unwarranted advice. Often, if the person is a Christian, they probably are already familiar with the verse that you've told them. If they could have solved the problem with Scripture, they would have already. They are coming to you because you are a person who will directly respond to them; they can look up Scripture on their own.
7. Tell them to "suck it up".
This is effectively the same as telling a person with a cold, "Stop having a sore throat." It's not that simple. This crisis is happening because they cannot handle the situation, and they cannot just "suck it up." They've already tried to do that, guaranteed. Saying this or something similar tells the person that it is not okay to feel this way and they need to stop; it also tells them that you don't care enough to take the time to meet them where they are. In suicidal moments, the last thing a person needs is for someone to communicate to them that they don't care.
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