Doing Christian ministry right

My involvement with First Presbyterian Church of Berkeley opened my eyes to the way that ministry should be done. During my freshman year of college, the church had an intern named CJ; and for my first three years of college, Nick was the college pastor for the church. These two nailed it.

What did CJ do right? He made an effort to build and maintain a relationship. He regularly contacted me (every two weeks or so) to schedule a time to meet up and chat. At first, I came from the cynical perspective that "this is just his job; he has to hang out with me," but he could have met with me as infrequently as once a month. Instead, he chose to meet with me every two weeks or so. He legitimately cared.

CJ also was available in times of crisis. He heard me out and acknowledged me when I described my horrid pledging experiences. In one particularly overwhelming week, he picked me up at about 10 PM, we drove to the Jack in the Box drive through, and he just let me talk about what was going on while driving around and snacking. He let me sit in his parked car with him and weep as the rain fell against the car roof. He didn't try to offer me advice or comfort; his mere presence was all that was needed, and he knew that.

But CJ also set up personal boundaries. His life was not just this internship; he did a lot outside of his job. I had another crisis moment once while he was tied up at a social gathering. He was unable to help me in that moment, but he asked me to write down and send him what I was thinking. He cared, but he still took time for himself.

What did Nick do right? He did not shy away from uncomfortable situations. He allowed his students space to think and believe freely, and he coached and guided us along the way. He never pressured us into any particular set of beliefs, and regularly admitted when he was conflicted about something. I remember him explicitly telling me that he didn't know what he believed about same-sex relationships, so there was no pressure for me to conform to any ideology. He was great at asking questions that worked toward getting students to think and to come to their own conclusions.

Nick too, like CJ, was available in times of crisis. After FoCUS one evening, I was conflicted about pursuing a relationship. I asked to talk to him; as the rest of FoCUS was hanging out, he and I sat on a pew as I came out to him. He sat, listened, and offered positive feedback. A month later or so, when I wanted to kill myself at 2 AM, I called him. He was not awake, of course, but he followed up the next day. And the next day. And throughout the week. He encouraged me to tell my parents about the issue; he set me up with the church counselor; and he followed up weeks afterward.

These are prime examples of how Christian ministry should be done. My involvement with these two people was much more fulfilling and beneficial for my faith than any other church authority figures I had encountered in the previous 18 years of my life.