I'm not pretty enough. And it's probably not my fault.

It's no secret that the gay world has ridiculously warped body image standards. Unless you look like Channing Tatum, Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Gosling, and the like, you're not pretty enough. Just look at any ad targeted toward gay men--instead of skinny blond women in bikinis, you have white, lean, toned men, usually with smooth chests. Even a gay men's health clinic in San Francisco has a wall of erotic male artwork featuring only white penises and white, toned men. And this is in San Francisco, supposedly one of the most accepting places on the planet.

It's also no secret that fat-shaming is a thing everywhere in society, not just in gay world. This is one of those times when I'm glad that no one reads this blog, because I'm about to make the claim that skinny-shaming is a thing too.

Skinny-shaming is a thing too.

I've experienced it firsthand. Granted, it's much more subdued and subtle than fat-shaming, but it still exists. I'm not super toned, and I don't go to the gym regularly. And I've received so many comments implying that I should go to the gym. The number of guys who say they are "only interested in (other) athletic or muscular guys" is obscene. These two examples, among other examples of skinny-shaming, have cost me so many hours of my life which were spent on guilt or self-loathing.

There is evidence supporting the notion of obesity as a heritable/genetic trait. Google it. So just because someone is larger does not necessarily mean that they are unhealthy. But the genetic basis for skinniness is rarely talked about in mainstream society. I need to recognize that I am privileged; I will always be perceived as prettier than heavier men because I was born to parents who were also pre-disposed to skinniness. And this means that judging an overweight person for not being fit enough is a denial of the genetic privilege that some possess.

But, on the flip side, I can't build muscle. I've tried. When I lived in DC for a summer, I went to the gym 5 days each week for 8 weeks. I never saw a change in my body. I never grew any bigger. This too is surely attributable to my genetic-baseline skinny body.

So I'm not pretty enough for the gay world. "I tried to change...tried to be...prettier." But I can't be. I've done all the right things, but it doesn't work for me.

Haters back off.