Singleness

“You’re still young.” “It’ll happen eventually.” “You’ll find one when you least expect it.”

I have heard these words of “sympathy” countless times when describing how painful it is for me to be single right now. I understand where the speakers are coming from; they’re trying to be helpful. But absolutely nothing about those comments is helpful at all. The only effect they have is to completely minimize the current pain I find myself in. Somehow my future happiness is supposed to improve my situation. Or my youth is supposed to console me. Or I need to be told that my efforts in trying to meet potential partners is useless.

How am I supposed to respond to those comments? “Thank you”? “You’re right, I haven’t thought about it like that”?

“I have a horrible headache.” “Oh don’t worry, you’ll feel better later.”

How about you meet me where I am and ask if I need some Ibuprofen?

But people do ask if you need Ibuprofen. When it comes to physical ailments, people are much more willing to provide practical help. Emotional desires, though? Forget it. You’re held at an arm’s length--just far enough away so that they don’t have to dive into the messy emotions.

These comments often come from guys who are already partnered or who have not been looking for a relationship for over a year. And so they have forgotten what it is like to want a relationship. They have forgotten what it is like to go home to an empty bed every night. They have forgotten what it is like to constantly feel inadequate because no one is verifying their value. They have forgotten what it is like to want to hold and be held but unable to scratch this itch. They have forgotten what it is like to feel enslaved to the apps or the bars on Friday nights. They have forgotten what it is like to be friendzoned by crushes...again...and again...and again...and again...and again…

Shut up and listen.