Drumpf

It's been almost a month since our country chose to legitimize fear and hatred for the next four years. The search to find any shred of hope or positivity hasn't gotten any easier, especially since hate crimes whose perpetrators use trump's victory as justification have been on the rise in media coverage.

Several years ago, my mom told me her story of the morning of 9/11. As she watched live footage of the towers engulfed in flames on our TV screen, she felt utterly helpless, desperate, and confused. She stepped outside our house for a few minutes. While outside, she hoped one of our neighbors would do the same thing and the two of them would lock eyes and share a look that encapsulated the sentiment of, "What do we do? What can we do?" All their feelings of despair, confusion, and fear could be understood by each other in a single glance without exchanging any words.

I will never know exactly what she felt that morning. But as I awoke the morning after election night, I think I have a good idea of what that felt like.

I fell asleep on election night before trump reached 270. I think I halfway woke up at about 12:30 AM, checked Google, and saw that 270 had been reached. I think sometime around then my friend called me to make sure I got home safely from the bar where we were watching the election. I awoke in the morning, unsure if those midnight occurrences were real or just a nightmare. I checked Google first thing, and I was suddenly forced to accept that I was indeed living in my nightmare. The unthinkable had occurred.

The same friend and I were texting sentiments of despair and helplessness that morning. Text conversations with other friends that day echoed those thoughts. I cried at work while preparing hot water for my tea.

It's moments like 9/11 and the 2016 election that remind us of our commonality as human beings. Somehow there is power in shared powerlessness.

In the wake of the election results, at least two people "shared their wisdom" with me saying that in their many years, they have seen both good and not-so-good Presidents come and go--and yet we survived. I get the sentiment, that maybe things will not turn out as bad as they seem, except this wisdom came from people who were white and straight. (They were both women, actually, but they're Christian women, so I have a suspicion that they accept unhealthy levels of patriarchy/sexism.) But I cannot afford to take the mindset that things will not end up as bad as I think they will. Because my recently-won right to get married has been questioned by the president-elect and VP-elect. The VP-elect defunded Planned Parenthood in his state, worsened the LGBT+ AIDS crisis in his state, and advocates for suicide-inducing gay conversion therapy. These concerns which I feel very acutely are things that these women will never understand.

What did I do to make the pro-trump crowd hate me so much?

I am privileged to not have to worry that my skin color or gender identity might compound on my concerns, but others in this country are not as fortunate as I. And yes, in four years, the administration will be gone. But the legislation passed and the ideologies perpetuated during the next four years will linger in the years that follow--these are not subject to a four-year term. This is why the trump presidency causes me despair. I have too much to lose.