Christians sometimes like to talk about things they have no idea about, but they think that they are experts because they know Jesus. And it often leads to conversations completely absent of grace. This needs to stop.
Example 1: mental illness. Many Christians who have never personally experienced a mental illness are quick to oversimplify the complexity and gravity of it. Anytime a solution is suggested with the word "just" in it, there clearly is a lack of understanding about the illness. Mental illness is not easily solved by "just" one simple step or series of steps. It is an incredibly long and slow process to overcome the beast(s) of mental illness. Christians who have not experienced it for themselves can have a hard time understanding this. Also, being on medication is not a sin. God has allowed man to create anti-depressants as a resource to help overcome mental illness. It only makes sense to use whatever resources are available to fight the illness. In my opinion, you don't have a right to offer advice to a mentally ill person unless you have been there yourself, or unless you have a degree in clinical psychology.
Example 2: homosexuality. For Christians who do not have homosexual desires, it is quite easy and painless for them to simply say, "Practicing homosexuality is a lifestyle which is outside of God's plan" or other similar statements. But before you say that statement, step into the shoes of a homosexual Christian. Imagine how you would feel if you are told that every romantic attraction you have is a perversion and is wrong. Imagine how hopeless you would feel if you were told that you must be celibate, and you can never share your life with a partner. When those statements are made, regardless of what you believe about the issue, it hurts. It puts gay Christians into a state of self-loathing and suppression, regardless of what they believe about the issue. In my opinion, you don't have a right to speak condemningly about the issue of homosexuality unless you identify as homosexual and have experienced what we have experienced.
Example 3: abortion. It is extremely easy for Christians, particularly Christian men, to shame women who have had an abortion. As a Christian male, I can't speak as an expert on this topic, but I imagine that abortion is a highly complex issue. There is probably a whole lot of pain involved both in the conception of the child and in the choice to remove the child from the womb. I highly doubt that any woman who has had an abortion did so senselessly. You don't know her story of why she did it. There's probably a good chance that she's actually not a heartless human, and that she does indeed value human life (gasp!). I don't think anyone has a right to say whether an abortion was "right" or "wrong"--that's between her and God. And we should allow her to let us into that part of her life only if she wants to let us in there. Because it's probably a very sensitive issue.
Of course, I am not saying that if a Christian has not experienced these things, then they are automatically condemning of them. There are countless Christians who have not experienced these three examples, but they still have grace for those who struggle with these three issues. Follow their example.
What is one way we can ensure that these kinds of conversations do not lead to graceless, painful blows? Perhaps consider starting a statement with "I have no experience with this topic" or "I don't know what it's like." If you use these statements, you must also be open to listening and accepting people's stories. You must be open to changing your beliefs about an issue. It is dangerous when we come to a point where we are so sure of what we believe that we shut out all other opposing voices.
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