White picket fence

I'm never going to have the typical American "ideal" life. I'm never going to experience the scene where I have my stay-at-home wife and two and a half kids, and we live in a house in the suburbs that we are paying a mortgage on. That's not going to happen to me.

When I first started being honest with myself about who I really was and whom I was romantically attracted to, these thoughts ran through my head. And they came with a twinge of sadness. I wanted my life to be what I had grown up with and seen modelled for me. It was a safe and predictable lifestyle to have. But since I'm attracted to guys, that ideal could never happen.

But now, things are different. Thinking those thoughts does not lead me to despair. Rather, I see brightness in my future.

Chances are good that I am going to be living in a city after I finish college or grad school and enter the working world. I'll probably be renting an apartment either by myself or with a roommate or two. Chances are also good that I will date well into my late twenties, given my track record with dating thus far. I will probably hold off on marriage so that I can establish an identity for myself in the workplace.

And then when I get married, I do not foresee us moving out to the burbs and starting a family. We'll probably still be in a city, renting an apartment. He's probably going to be just as ambitious as I am in the workplace, so it'll probably be several years before kids are even an option on the table. We might decide that kids will never even be an option. That's the best part--we can't just "accidentally" have a kid. It will only happen if we both agree either to adopt or to find a surrogate.

Even if we do have (a) kid(s), we may just decide to stay in a city and raise children there. Suburbs are boring! Perhaps we will take turns staying at home with our child(ren). Or perhaps we will hire a live-in nanny to care for our child(ren) while we are at work. Also, on an unrelated note, what will the last name of our child(ren) be?

The fact that I will never have a typical American family life represents a tremendous opportunity for me. I have never had a same-sex couple role model in my life, so my future really is unknown. I have no basis to model my future around, so I get to carve my own future with someone that I love immensely. I get to be creative and make up the rules as I go; there aren't really any expectations or norms as to what a same-sex-couple-headed household looks like. And that's an exciting and bright future.