The label "Christian"

I keep coming back to this subject because it has been weighing on me for a couple years now: do I have the right to claim "Christian" as a label for myself? Do I need that label to help complete the picture of who I am?

I find myself torn. It feels like a lie to say that I am a Christian, but it also feels like a lie to say that I am not a Christian.

It feels like a lie to say that I am a Christian because the title "Christian" comes with all kinds of baggage. As soon as I tell anyone that I am a Christian, I have to spend several minutes explaining that I am not the typical Christian. I'm not homophobic (I stopped hating myself a while ago), I'm a feminist, I generally vote liberal, I don't attend Bible studies, I swear, and I get drunk. I am so different from the typical Christian that perhaps claiming the title is a misrepresentation of my identity. And what if me claiming to be a Christian is a misrepresentation of what true Christianity is supposed to be?

But it also feels like a lie to say that I am not a Christian. Christianity is where I come from and is what I know. Although I have rejected a lot of what I thought I believed several years ago, I have not rejected Jesus or God. But at the same time, it's not like there is an active pursuit of them. It has been a couple years since I have voluntarily gone to church, I haven't cracked open my Bible in a while, and prayer is an irregular habit. I don't spend a ton of time "in community" with Christians, much less discussing Christian things with them. (Or if I do discuss those things, often I'm picking away at and deconstructing them.) Moreover, saying that I am not a Christian comes with baggage too. It implies that one has tasted Christianity and has chosen to reject it; that is not the case with me.

I have so much uncertainty around this issue. But frankly, I'm overall happy in life. This issue isn't crushing me. So maybe I don't need an answer to the question.